by Danny Rubin
Picture this scene.
It’s the year 2028, and you’re driving your 10-year-old son and his three friends to soccer practice. You flip on Classic Hits 103.5, which pumps the jams from the 90s and 2000s. The DJ spins a song you haven’t heard in forever, and all you want to do is belt out the lyrics and relive the glory days.
There’s just one problem: the song is, shall we say, explicit. With four kids — and eight ears — only a few feet behind, you quickly flip the station and pretend like nothing happened.
Millennials have lived through so much cursing/inappropriateness in our music. With Eminem’s album “The Marshall Mathers LP 2″ dropping on November 5, we have even more coming our way.
That’s why we’ll never be able to sing these 12 songs around our kids.
1. Sisqo, “Thong Song”
“Daddy, what’s a thong?”
“Uuuh…go ask your mother.”
2. The Offspring, “Bad Habit”
Something’s odd, I feel like I’m god, you stupid…
You’d LOVE to finish that line as loudly as possible, but what about the little ones?
3. Bloodhound Gang, “The Bad Touch”
You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals,
So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.
4. Nirvana, “Rape Me”
“Family sing-along! Kids, you handle the chorus.”
5. Ludacris, “What’s Your Fantasy”
I wanna li-li-li-lick you from your head to your toes.
Kid: “Mom, why does he want to lick her so much?”
You: “Umm…who wants a new video game?!”
6. Beck, “Loser”
I’m a loser baby so why don’t you kill me.
Suicidal lyrics — exactly what kids need.
7. Shaggy, “It Wasn’t Me”
Hmm..lying about cheating on your wife with the girl next door. Maybe we’ll turn the volume down a bit.
8. Eminem, “My Name is…”
Hi kids! Do you like violence?
Wanna see me stick Nine Inch Nails through each one of my eyelids?
Yea…not gonna work.
9. Lil Jon, “Get Low”
“Dad, what does ‘skeet‘ mean?”
10. Sublime, “Date Rape”
If it wasn’t for date rape, I’d never get laid.
Do YOU want to explain date rape to an 8 year old? I didn’t think so.
11. Marcy Playground, “Sex and Candy”
Not sure why this song stuck around, but it’s on the radio every day. Just so…weird.
12. Robin Thicke, “Blurred Lines”
You’re a good giiiiirl.
Men, keep this song away from your innocent daughters.
What other songs will we avoid around our kids?
Feature photo from DVIDSHUB (Flickr)
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